Confessions of a Healer: The PUG From Hell
Now I like to think I’m a decent healer. I’m never going to be ranked on World of Logs and I don’t care. I do my job, when we wipe it’s (usually) not directly attributed to me. (I have been known to eat a heroic stomp from time to time, but still).
Anyway, I’ve gotten a lot of grief in PUGs when I was leveling/gearing new healers, or at the beginning of an expansion where I’m learning all the new mechanics Blizzard throws at us. I’m all “whatever, it’ll get better”. And trust me, I’ve gotten a lot of shit. From figuring out pally healing again at the beginning of Wrath or figuring out priest healing at the beginning of Cataclysm, I’ve been told in many various ways, languages, dialects, etc that I suck, I’m a terrible healer and I should quit playing. This usually happens if I’m running with a group that belongs to the same guild, because hey even if they’re full of shit, their guildies will back them up.
(there was one instance in early Cata I was in heroic Vortex Pinnacle healing on my priest that a cat druid doing 6k dps was spewing a rain of insults at me, and his guild mate the tank was whispering me telling me I was doing fine and to ignore him – that was actually quite nice for a change).
So I generally don’t PUG randoms or LFR or anything on my main (my druid). There’s no need to and I don’t want to deal with the bullshit. However, after throwing around some strategies on our forums about Heroic Ooze Boss, it was decided that it should be 2 healed, and we need an extra melee dps. Meow! So I logged in, took a look at the feral gear I’ve collected over the past year.. not great but it was a start, and off I went in search of JP, VP and some welfare 378s with agility.I figure I’d que as heals blow through 5 mans (I like to think of my healer as OP for 5 mans), and call it a day.
End Time pops up. Ok then, pretty sure there’s something I can use in there. We get the “easier” bosses Sylvannas and Baine (for the record I HATE Tyrande). I zone in and the tank is already 3/4 dead on trash.
“o hai you might want to wait for your healer”
“LOL sorry I thought u were here”
So I healed him up, no big deal. We get to Sylvannas. For the record the group comp is 2 DKs, 2 shammies and me. They were from the same guild on Shattered Hand. Oh boy. This is either going to be really really smooth or really really bad. So we start the boss fight and BOOM the dps’ing DK goes from full to dead in half a second. Purple stuff is bad, mmkay? Battle rez.. BOOM dead. DK says “fuck this!”. Then the add comes out and the shammy BOOM full health to dead in half a second. Seriously??! I couldn’t even get a swiftmend on him before he died.
Dead Shaman: “you are the worst healer I have ever seen”
Me: “Are you fucking kidding me? Don’t stand in the purple shit!”
Dead Shaman & Dead DK: “WE WEREN’T”
Add goes down, we run out and the 2nd Shaman blows up from Sylvannas’ AOE.
2nd Dead Shaman: “healer you need to go dps so i can heal or leave”
Me: “Kick me then, I’m not taking the CD”
I’ve done that fight a hundred times. DPS never take any damage. One of the shammies ankh’s and immediately dies before I could cast a rejuv. Note to the dumbass shaman: if there’s a line of purple fire under your corpse, don’t reincarnate. Somehow the boss dies and they haven’t kicked me yet.
So we get to the Obsidian area of fire. We ride around the trash, and kill the boss with no issues, but they’re still spewing insults. One of the shammies and myself zone out and back in to get to the Bronze dragonshrine. The other 3 dumbasses decide to swim through the fire, and go through the portal. As I’m waiting with the shaman in Bronze, I see the other 3 health plummet and they all die. I almost die laughing. “you guys pull a pat or something?” and the shaman says “you know it’s easier if you zone out and back in”.
They all run back and the other shammy says “your heals are terrible for your gear”. And then another said “yeah you’re a krek”. I don’t say anything because after all, I didn’t understand what the hell he just said. He then said “that’s an insult” and boom, kicked for the first time ever. I wish that wasn’t such a colossal waste of time, since I was only about 2 5-mans away from another VP item.
I wanted to cry. I mean, I’m used to that bullshit on a new healer. Not on my main. I’ve never even had that much trouble in those 5 mans. So I didn’t run another dungeon for the rest of the night. I said “fuck that I’m gonna go fish.”
So I have 3 days to finish gearing my feral spec and to learn how to play a cat. So I’m throwing out a call to arms to my guildies! Come run 5 mans with me!! I never wanna PUG ever again!