Confessions of a Gamer: Getting Too Close
There are a number of different ways I could go with this post. I could take the jaded cynical route. I’m not sure that would do any good though. It would be easy though. Too easy. When there’s so much emotion churning, it’s difficult which one to run with… sadness? anger? confusion?
It happens to many people. You meet someone online, whether it’s in chat rooms or MMOs. You form friendships that can feel as close as if you know them real life. You may even form something with someone that goes beyond friendship. You may find yourself caring so much about someone that you would do anything for them.
I feel that way about many people I’ve met in WoW. Some, I’ve even met in real life. They know if they need something, they can count on me. Just as I count on them. Star just might be my best friend in the whole wide world of warcraft. I’ve formed almost a sisterhood with the girls in my guild. I would do anything for them. I would do anything for just about anyone in my guild. Just as I would do anything for the person I allowed to get too close.
This person had a hard shell, and I was finding my way through it. He had his very sweet moments. It was because of these moments that I grew to trust him. After knowing him for several years in the game, he was a very good friend. That’s probably the hardest right there, losing that friendship, for reasons I can’t even begin to figure out. I don’t understand how someone can just turn on a dime. I never betrayed him. I’m the one that should be angry and upset. He made promises he couldn’t live up to. But I still believed in him. I’m the type of person that sees the good in everyone, and I treat people the way I hope to be treated.
I let my guard down and let him in. In hindsight, if I were granted a do-over, the only thing I would have changed would be to not let our relationship go beyond the boundary of friendship.
This doesn’t mean I’ll close myself off. I’m not going to build the proverbial wall. This isn’t going to change who I am. If the opportunity presented itself with someone else, I’d still take it. Would I be just as caring, understanding and generous as I was for him? As I would do for anyone I care about? You betcha.
Call me a fool. Or just call me a Masochist.