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If Only…

This blog post was inspired by WoWinsider’s breakfast topic, which was inspired by Blog Azeroth’s question this week. If you could have any WoW spell in real life, what would it be?

There are so many “damn that would be nice to have” spells. I would love to be able to turn into a cat and chase my cats around my apartment. I’d love to have a demonic pet setting people I don’t like on fire. I’d love to turn invisible and sneak up on people. I’d love to be able to mind control people (cast it on my boss “you will give me a raise and a window”).  I would love to resurrect the dead. Although, if they’ve been dead for a while, they may not be too pretty and they’d smell terrible. Yeah, giving human earthlings a resurrection spell would create our own race of forsaken. That can’t be good. Though I’d love to see my Nana and Grampy again. Not in the dust and bones stinky sense, but they way they were before they passed away.

But those are all nice to have. The one spell I would give my right arm for is teleportation. I live on one side of the country, while my life is on the other. As much as my current job irritates me sometimes, it’s the best job that ever happened to me. They’ve given me steady raises since I moved to AZ 2 years ago. They’re talking about more. They promoted me. They love me here. I’ve never felt so respected and appreciated in a job before. It’s the polar opposite of the toxic hell of my last job at MIT. The problem is everyone I love (aside from my mom who’s here) is in Boston.  My family. My friends. The crazy malaka that I’ve had such a roller coaster ride with over the past 8 years. Oh Yanni, that foo got me started on this game. He’s been my rock, my best friend. When I got divorced in 2004 and moved back to Boston from a stint in WV, he was there and I pushed him away. My head was a mess, my life was a mess, I wasn’t ready and I drove him away.

My decision to move to AZ was purely for my own sanity. My job at MIT was making me so miserable that I drove everyone in my life out. I scared people, my family, my friends with my volatility. I really take full responsibility for the demise of that relationship. Two years later, in 2010, I made the move to AZ. The less I thought about him, the easier it would be. In my mind, it was a dead issue and I needed to move on. And I was happy again, in the sunshine, and finally in a place where I didn’t dread waking up and having to work. Sometimes I do, but it’s not the feeling where “I’d rather be on the street than work here” like I did at MIT.

But I saw him again last fall and this past summer. The time I spent in Boston last October and this past July confirmed that’s where my heart is, and that’s where I belong. Second chances are rarer than a blue moon. And I’m getting a second chance. I can’t fuck it up.

I feel like I’m torn in half. He can’t come to AZ. I know this. I don’t have the resources to move back right now, and the people here are making it more and more difficult for me to leave. There’s a huge hole in my heart. A mage portal would be nice. Real nice. If only there were portals in every city connecting to every city. If only it were as easy as constructing the portals in the Twilight Highlands where all I need are some water elemental cores and a pile of muck.

If only…

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Categories: Confessions
  1. Lutefisk
    September 12, 2012 at 9:54 am

    tough choice…

    I’d have to go Portal…for similar reasons to those you mentioned above.

    But I have to say, the potential enjoyment I could get out of the strategic usage of Immolate makes it a difficult choice!

  2. rakrah
    September 12, 2012 at 10:09 am

    except with a portal there is always that ahole that ports you to stonard Chicago.

    • September 12, 2012 at 10:17 am

      Mav you really need to get professional help regarding this irrational obsession with Rakrah.

      • moist
        September 12, 2012 at 10:27 am

        this better?

  3. Calianna
    September 16, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    I’d have to agree with you. I’d love to be able to just port myself out to Maine on a whim while the kids are in school to snuggle up with Kevin and then port myself back to make them dinner and take them to soccer practice. Port myself out to Vegas to be with Joe when the kids are all out of the house for a few hours and then come back to make sure they’re home by curfew…ah, we can dream…

  4. Justi PS
    September 18, 2012 at 6:31 am

    Or perhaps…. Summon. Locations not as limited, but need friends to make it work.

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