Dead Gnomes Society

I know, it’s been over a month since I’ve blogged. I’ll try not to do that again! I’ve just been so so tired.

Why, do you ask?

Because I’m harboring a tiny future gamer! And it’s making me tired, and hungry and pukey! But I’m excited, and Yanni’s excited! Right now it’s only the size of a gummy bear, but I got to see it yesterday! It. Was. Amazing. I do want to fast forward the next few weeks though. And I want to fast forward to when I can stop calling it an “it” and start saying “he” or “she”. We’ve already got names picked out. 🙂

So baby gamer/gummy bear has drastically reduced my online time lately. Usually when I get home from work, I log into the game. Now when I get home from work, I park my butt on the couch and nap for a few hours. Wake up for food. Then nap again. Then wake up in time to go to bed. I have a sneaking suspicion this might interfere with my ability to raid. Hopefully when the first trimester ends I’ll have more energy! At least that’s what I’ve heard.

And I’m missing out on playing in the Wildstar Beta! I want to play but… but my laptop is all the way over there. And I don’t have the energy to get up and get it. I need a setup that will allow me to be on my laptop while lying down half asleep. I can just see it now on raid night…. we’re fighting Garrosh and Joe goes splat. “Aly where were my heals??” …….”zzzzzzzzzzz, snore…..drool…….” Wake up, the raid has ended and I’m lying dead in the middle of Garrosh’s room. I blame the gummy bear!

If gummy bear is a girl, we’re going to name her Alyson. Yanni decided to try and look up what the greek version of that would be, and came up with “Aliki”. Too perfect, no??

My guild asked for a new blog post. The title was suggested by our (other) resident tree Taiboku. Let me just say, I hate you all.

So here are the top 37 reasons why tree form is the best!

37. They have a cool dance

36. They heal ALL THE THINGS

35. They look better than ugly ass bear butts

34. They look better than ugly ass Boomkins

33. They look better than ugly ass cows

32. They look better than ugly ass trolls (except my troll. my troll is pretty)

31. They look better than ugly ass worgen

30. Do I really need to come up with 30 more reasons?

29. Because they’re awesome, need I say more?

28. They look like they belong at a disco when empowered

27. They’re leafy

26. They provide shelter

25. They’re majestic

24. They’re sexy

23. They’re huggable!

22. Go away you damn hippie

21. They look funny when they run around

20. Do I really have to come up with 20 more reasons?

19. Because I said so

18. Because Tai made me do it

17. They fall apart when they die

16. My hots are bigger than your hots

15. They give gnomes splinters

14. They’re virtually unkillable by the opposing faction

13. They can fly (wut?)

12. Well until they hit the ground….

11. They save your ass

10. They provide a wholesome snack in the midst of battle

9. They give “stick up the ass” a whole new meaning

8. They attract all the bird poop so nobody else has to wash it out of their hair

7. They provide the animals of Azeroth a place to pee

6. They provide low hanging fruit

5. They’re awesome to hang clothes on to dry after washing (thanks, Roger)

4. They make good firewood

3. They’re great to roast marshmallows on (thanks again, Roger)

2. Morning wood lasts all day

1. They grow their own sticks to beat Tai people over the head with

You know how when something goes wrong, and you call the support line to tell them what’s wrong and please fix it? And then they say “oh that’s not our error, you need to go to these other guys”. And then the other guys send you back to where you started? You know how FREAKING ANNOYING that is??

So several weeks ago, Blizzard was holding their huge discount sale for the World of Warcraft games. I thought that this would be an awesome birthday present for my kid brother who just turned 14 last week. So I ordered it and waited. And waited. And… oh hey a tracking number in my WoW account order history!

So I clicked the tracking number link and…

It’s been delivered, but where is… waitaminute… I don’t HAVE a back door. My building has 4 one-bedroom apartments in it. I live on the second floor on one side of the building. The two first floor apartments have a back door. My “back door” is a window leading to the fire escape. At this point I knew where my package was.

My downstairs neighbor is a skidmark on the underpants of society (gogo Dodgeball quotes!). He’s one of those people that should have been a fuckstain on his parents’ bed. Because he’s tangled up in an eviction litigation, he won’t open his door to anyone, speak to anyone, let alone me. He has already to date, stolen and thrown away my mail, illegally blocked the driveway, and basically feels entitled to having the world at his beck and call. Of course, none of this can be proven. So he goes on being a fuckwad. One night he tried to demand that I fix his oven… just because I live with the landlord (who wasn’t home). Seriously dude, you DON’T want me fucking with your oven. You may not know this but, klutz should have been my middle name.

Anyway, I can’t prove it but I know he stole my brother’s birthday present. I thought I would take the high road and nicely ask for it back. I knocked on his door (he wouldn’t answer), so I slipped a note under his door that said “Have you seen a FEDEX package addressed to me? The tracking page said it was left at the ‘back door’ so I think it was delivered to you by accident. If you see it, can you please just leave it on the stairs? thank  you.” Of course, no response, which was expected. So I called FEDEX.

Delivery Date: Tuesday, June 25th.

Note to neighbor: Wednesday, June 26th

First call to FEDEX: Thursday, June 27th

First FEDEX Rep I spoke to: I’m sorry about the mis-delivery. We will retrieve the package for you, you do not need to attempt to get it from your neighbor. We’ll call you back shortly.

– FEDEX callback Thursday evening-

Second FEDEX Rep I spoke to: So you think it was left at your neighbor’s apartment?

Me: Yes.

Second FEDEX Rep: Can’t you just ask for it from your neighbor?

Me: No. That is not an option.

Second FEDEX Rep: Ok, we’ll get a hold of the morning courier tomorrow morning to see if he can get it back. We’ll give you a call.

-Friday, June 28th, no callback-

-Monday, July 1, I call FEDEX back-

Rep #3: I see that it was mis-delivered. Did you try getting it back from your neighbor?

Me: Sigh, I tried. It is not an option. If he has it, it’s on Ebay by now.

Rep #3: I can see if we can do a package retrieval

Me: Sure, if you can, please hold it at the fedex office?

Rep #3: Yes we can do that

Me: And If you can’t retrieve it?

Rep #3: Contact the merchant and just have them resend it.

Me: Can you call me back either way?

Rep #3: Yes we’ll call you back

Wednesday, July 10th. No callbacks. I login to battle.net and open a live chat with Blizzard’s billing support.

Edhwaithian: Greetings =], This is game master Edhwaithian, with Billing & Technical Support. What can I assist you with today?
you: greetings! I placed an order through the Blizzard store during the $5 week.. order # *****
you: I never received this, because fedex fucked up and delivered to the wrong place. For 2 weeks I have been trying to work with Fedex to retrieve the package, but no resolution has been made.
you: I was wondering if it can be re-sent with a signature required on delivery?
Edhwaithian: Can I get the email on the account please
you: xxxxx@yahoo.com
Edhwaithian: and information of the purchase should have been sent to your email
Edhwaithian: are you needing the tracking number for the items
you: I have the purchase information… the error was on fedex side. Their delivery note says “left by the back door” … problem is I have no back door…
you: I have the tracking #
you: it was “delivered” on 6/25
you: but it was delivered to the wrong place
you: I never received it
you: I tried resolving this with fedex… 2 weeks worth of back and forth phone calls
you: they can’t retrieve it so I’m asking if it can be sent again
Edhwaithian: One moment
Edhwaithian: because that is on fedex end not ours
you: Fedex told me to contact you to re-send it
you: still with me?
Edhwaithian: yes speaking to manager about the issue
you: thank you
Edhwaithian: what is the address that it was suppose to be shipped to
you: ***** *****
you: https://www.fedex.com/fedextrack/?tracknumbers=553984065241&cntry_code=us the fedex note says “left at back door”
you: I have no back door…
you: so clearly it was the wrong place.
Edhwaithian: Ok, so in order for us to Ship them to you again, we have to have an order inquiry done first,which means we need to have them verify the order was shipped incorrectly
you: The order was probably shipped correctly, it was delivered incorrectly.
you: Fedex should have record of my phone calls to them
Edhwaithian: Ok,we need that information from them that it was shipped to the wrong location
you: will you contact them? or do i need to contact them again?
Edhwaithian: you will need to contact them, they should be able to email or fax you documents of the situation
you: and then where do I forward it?
Edhwaithian: you can print it out and take a photo of it or upload it to a ticket if it is emailed to you
you: ok
Edhwaithian: once we get that information, we will ship it again
you: how long will all this take once it’s uploaded to a ticket? This was supposed to be a birthday present for my kid brother… his birthday was last week, he has no present… at this rate he might have to wait til christmas >.<
Edhwaithian: Not long once you get it in the longest time will be almost 24 hours
you: ok thank you for your time
Edhwaithian: You’re welcome

So I called FEDEX back. Again. For the 3rd (or 4th?) time. I lost count.

Rep #4: How may I help you?

Me: Hi, I have made numerous calls to you guys regarding a package I never received, The tracking # is 553984065241. I need you to send me some verification that I’m having this problem so I can forward it to the merchant so they can re-send it.

Rep #4: may I have the tracking # please?

Me: But I just… sigh… 553984065241

Rep #4: I see we have some research out to try and find the package, would you like a call back?

Me: (raises eyes to the heavens), sure, why not. You never call me back anyway. But can you please email me some verification of these issues, because at this point I have no hope that you’ll ever retrieve it.

Rep #4: Ok, what’s your phone #?

Me: …. (don’t they already have it? and I asked for email) ***-***-****

Rep # 4: Oh, and what’s your email address, we can send you information about these issues you’ve had.

Me: ****@yahoo.com

Rep #4: someone will call you back tomorrow. I apologize for your troubles.

Me: thank you

/hangup

/headdesk

And I’m still waiting for the email.

This guest blog is once again brought to you by MT’s Raid Officer Mavros. The man who never sleeps. The man who’s always raiding, or doing something WoW-related, even outside of the game. The man who, for some reason, still has a wife.

Sleep?  I’ll sleep when I am……dead done raiding

I am self-proclaimed wow obsessed, more than that, I am healer obsessed.  With 3 raiding healers and 2 ToT normal ready healers, it can easily be said that I have severe problems and should seek help immediately, unfortunately when I did seek help, Thrall told me to go do Battlefield Barrens and how could I deny the REAL warchief?!  So, I started farming mobs, hey, it is better than dailies….

In game, I am the official Raid Leader of 2 Masochistic Tendencies raid teams, Team Moist and Team Reborn and the de facto raid leader of an alliance raid team on Draenor in the guild Palidrons.

I started really thinking about where I am in game and what commitments I have made and decided it was time to get it on paper and then to share.  So, here it is in table format.

Total hours in raid a week = 14.5 hours

Total hours of sleep in a week = 33 – 40 hours

Total hours in game a week = I really don’t want to know…

Add this schedule to a wow hating wife, a 4 year old boy, a 1 year old boy, a cat, and a 40 hour a week job and it’s a party!  I guess this post should be renamed to “addicted” rather than “sleep” as the undertone.

Ironically, I don’t feel a bit of burnout and on Tuesday, my night off, I get bored within an hour of logging on and am annoyed that I cannot find a pug on the dead Uldaman server (praying 5.4 fixes that!)

Recently, I spent time in LFR learning/mastering, or trying to at least, the art of fistweaving.  Certainly, different than attonement, but fun and different enough to be new and a very good compliment to the “easy” monk healing rotation.   I can’t deny the fact that punching things in the taint and healing while doing it feels really good.  I just need to remember to keep the damn jade statue 20 yds from raiders.  It was the last thing I wasn’t knowledgeable on in the healing category so I started to work on it in my spare time.  I am still working it out to get better at it where it becomes natural and part of my muscle memory as attonement healing does.  If I had to choose, disc priests tend to be my favorite healing class/spec right now, though changes to resto shaman are exciting and I love the 5.x changes thus far even if it is a touch underpowered in 10 man.

Also, I recently started subscribing and listening to a number of WOW podcasts and am actively watching the PTR patch notes almost daily for changes.  For podcasts I am a big fan of CTR and Legendary and recently My Epic Heals.  I even sent My Epic Heals an email to see if I could somehow contribute as someone with 3 raiding healers with full clears on all 3 with some boss tips for each class.   They will probably ignore me and tell me to goto bed and get some sleep.

Anyway, so, what is a standard day for me?  Let’s pretend it is Wednesday, Team Moist raid night # 1.

1. Wake up at 6 am
2. Make morning pee-pee
3. Pack 3 bottles for the 1 year old
4. Make coffee for myself
5. Feed yogi the cat who is meowing as if he’s never been fed and rubbing up on my legs (feels good, I can’t lie)
6. Wake the 1 year old, change diaper, pray he didn’t shit himself, stick him in his carrier, turn on TV to Nick Jr
7. Wake the 4 year old, pry him out of bed as every answer is NO, help him get dressed, lay him on couch to watch Nick Jr with 1 year old until I am ready
8. Lay out my clothes for work
9. Brush teeth and shower
10. Get dressed
11. Pack car with bags and coffee and work laptop
12. Start car and turn AC or heat on
13. Set alarm, turn tv off, grab kids
14. In car by 7:15-7:30 am
15. 7:30 am-7:45 am, arrive at my parents house (aka grandparent daycare), drop kids off
16. Drive 1 hour and 15 mins to work
17. Listen to podcasts on way to work
18. Arrive at work by 8:30 am
19. Work til 11:30ish am
20. Get lunch, surf MT forum, formulate strats, check logs, whatever, but 90% of the time, wow related
21. 12:30ish, get back to work
22. Leave work at 5 pm
23. Listen to podcasts on way home from work
24. Home by 5:45-6pm
25. Feed kids
26. Help bathe kids
27. Play with kids
28. Kids in bed by 8pm
29. Optional:  watch an episode of Sons of Anarchy or Dexter with wife (all nights except Wed/Thurs)
30. I go downstairs to my dungeon and logon
31. Raid
32. Come back upstairs to bed
33. Optional:   Think of alternate boss strat if applicable
34. Ask wife if she wants to make a baby
    (She always says no)
35. I then sing, “sweet dreams, sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite”
36. Wife twitches and gets mad
    (I smile)
37. Sleep for 5-6 hours
38. Pray 1 year old stays asleep all night
39. Dream of killing Heroic Lei Shen
40. BBBEEEPPPP, alarm, its 6 am
41. Rinse Repeat….

-Mav

Really, Blizzard? Let’s just rename this game to World of Dailycraft… or better yet… World of FuckMeInTheEyeCraft.

So this post is a rant. Wall of nerd rage and shouty capitals incoming. You have been warned.

I was simultaneously working on 3 rep grinds: Golden Lotus, Tillers and Cloud Serpent. The operative word in that sentence is “was”. I’ve now abandoned the pretty dragon people, for now. I want a pretty dragon. But I can’t have a pretty dragon. You know why I can’t have a pretty dragon? Because I have no time to pay attention to them, to get them to love me. I want them to love me. Someday they’ll love me. /sadface

So now I’m down to Golden Lotus and the Tillers. The Tillers will be the next casualty. I hit revered with them so I can plant my motes of harmony. That’s really what I wanted their rep for. I have enough plots now to farm 1 Spirit of Harmony per day and two plots for ingredients Crix needs to make our raid feasts. But when I go there to harvest, I see all those blue ! and I’m all… I MUST DO ALL THE BLUE EXCLAMATION POINTS and before I know it, it’s an hour past my bedtime, and I’m a grumpy cranky bitch the next morning.

All the blue exclamation points can suck it. SUCK. IT. The Golden Lotus can suck it. When I hit revered with those sadistic assholes, then the Shado Pan can suck it. Then the Klaxxi. You know what? They can all suck each other. Fuck em all. Right in the ear. ALY DOESN’T DO DAILIES. I just hit honored with the Golden Lotus. And as a reward…. I unlocked… MORE GOLDEN LOTUS DAILIES.

Oh yeah, being honored also unlocks GL valor gear! Yippeee! Oh wait.. it doesn’t give ENOUGH VP for me to actually buy anything. Fuckers.

WHY BLIZZ WHY?!!!

This is why we’re running face first into 10 man raiding wearing dungeon blues. That brings me to the next thing that I hate which I’ll be forced to run… LFR. At least it’s a little more bearable with the changes in loot distribution. As if that’s not enough, 5.1 will bring exciting new content! That’s right! A new faction AND MORE DAILIES!!!!! /confetti

They really need to up the VP rewards. I have enough time between getting home and going to bed to either do dailies or heroics, but not both. If I were to get valor capped just by doing dailies, I would need to do 200 of them/week. You mean I’m not doing that many already?! It FEELS like I’ve been doing 200/week. But I have the valor for less than half of the cap. All this effort, where’s my reward? Oh yeah… MORE FUCKING DAILIES.

I feel like I’ve been duped. That one year subscription, get a flying pony and invited to the beta. The Blizzard developers are sadistic. That’s all there is to it. I couldn’t quit now if I wanted to. I’m still paying for it, I may as well keep playing it. And hope it gets better. All I know is I’m not the only one feeling the burnout 3 weeks into the expansion.

Something’s gotta give.

This week’s Blog Azeroth’s shared topic:

So it’s been some time since I blogged about my Cataclysm Bucket List. The biggest item on the list is the Loremaster achievement. Starting almost completely from scratch isn’t easy. So here’s my progress so far!

• Loremaster of Eastern Kingdoms
• Loremaster of Kalimdor
• Loremaster of Outlands
• Loremaster of Northrend
• Loremaster of Cataclysm
• • Coming Down the Mountain
  • Deep into Deepholme
  • Sinking into Vash’ir
  • Unearthing Uldum
  • Into the Twilight

I’m almost there! I CAN TASTE IT!!!!! And after all has been said and done, I’ll come out of it about 10k gold richer. Not too shabby! As far as my other bucket list items? Hunter made it to 85. Kare got her daggers. I have not touched friggin archeology. I’ll go back and finish outlands rep after I finish loremaster. And nobody really cares about the guild achievements. I could just throw something on the calendar for AQ40 and see who shows up.

And I have a new Cata bucket list item for the guild! Kill Heroic Madness of Deathwing! Hm.. maybe I should make Heroic Spine a bucket item too. Meh.